glasmalerei (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
glasmalerei) wrote2009-10-05 10:36 am
glasmalerei) wrote2009-10-05 10:36 am
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So much for THAT (aka, hi, monday =P)
So much for the good mood from this weekend. It's been swallowed up in the blah that is monday, and it's not even 11am yet. I'm COLD - so much so that I put on my hoodie on top of the long sleeved knit I was already wearing, and I'm tempted to put the hood up to keep the top of my head warm. And I'm CRANKY... which is, I think, the start of PMS. Hard to recognize when it onsets, but yeah - I've got no focus, no creativity, no drive, I'm tired and cranky, I'm not happy with anything, and my world is made up of RAR. Geeeze. And to think this used to be the NORMAL state of affairs on pretty much any given day. It's a wonder I've managed to accomplish anything this last year, I swear.
At least now I know it's a temporary thing, and I'll get over it just as soon as my body sorts itself out, but in the meantime... yeah. I'm cold, I'm cranky, I'm creativity-blocked, I feel fat and ugly and did I mention FREEZING? Also, tired. Also, displeased. Also, extremely discontent. RAR. RAR!
(and no, chocolate doesn't help alleviate this. I already tried hot cocoa. Chocolate really doesn't do a damned thing for my PMS, unfortunately.
I can't even find a radio station to listen to that doesn't annoy me to death (but listening to whatever tv show my boss is watching is annoying me MORE, so the headphones and music are just going to have to cope.)
I want something to come EASILY right now, dammit, and NOTHING is. Everything is a struggle, it feels like I'm only mediocre at all of it, my design is uninspired and boring, my art is unimaginative and formulamatic, my writing feels like somebody else wrote it because I don't know where the words are, and we won't even discuss any of my other hobbies or how utterly mediocre I am at all of them. Jack of all trades, master of jack shit nothing. [SIGH] You can ignore me. I know this is my hormones and my personal demons talking. But the personal demons are depressingly loud right now, and they always wonder if I could have been really GOOD at something if I'd just been willing to forsake all the rest. It's a devil's deal - what would I have to give up to really elevate one skill to stardom? What's the art without the stories behind it? What's the writing if I can't see the pictures in my head? Etc. etc. Just. Dammit. When I feel blocked on ALL of it it's really really frustrating.
Kick me, please. Or pet me. Or prompt me, and tell me it's okay to do 100 words of out of context nothing in response. Because the brain tangles are otherwise eating themselves right now.
...yes, I know, I'm a needy whiny clingy bint. No need to open THAT can of brain worm tangle in addition to the pervasive feeling of fail, thanks. v_v
At least now I know it's a temporary thing, and I'll get over it just as soon as my body sorts itself out, but in the meantime... yeah. I'm cold, I'm cranky, I'm creativity-blocked, I feel fat and ugly and did I mention FREEZING? Also, tired. Also, displeased. Also, extremely discontent. RAR. RAR!
(and no, chocolate doesn't help alleviate this. I already tried hot cocoa. Chocolate really doesn't do a damned thing for my PMS, unfortunately.
I can't even find a radio station to listen to that doesn't annoy me to death (but listening to whatever tv show my boss is watching is annoying me MORE, so the headphones and music are just going to have to cope.)
I want something to come EASILY right now, dammit, and NOTHING is. Everything is a struggle, it feels like I'm only mediocre at all of it, my design is uninspired and boring, my art is unimaginative and formulamatic, my writing feels like somebody else wrote it because I don't know where the words are, and we won't even discuss any of my other hobbies or how utterly mediocre I am at all of them. Jack of all trades, master of jack shit nothing. [SIGH] You can ignore me. I know this is my hormones and my personal demons talking. But the personal demons are depressingly loud right now, and they always wonder if I could have been really GOOD at something if I'd just been willing to forsake all the rest. It's a devil's deal - what would I have to give up to really elevate one skill to stardom? What's the art without the stories behind it? What's the writing if I can't see the pictures in my head? Etc. etc. Just. Dammit. When I feel blocked on ALL of it it's really really frustrating.
Kick me, please. Or pet me. Or prompt me, and tell me it's okay to do 100 words of out of context nothing in response. Because the brain tangles are otherwise eating themselves right now.
...yes, I know, I'm a needy whiny clingy bint. No need to open THAT can of brain worm tangle in addition to the pervasive feeling of fail, thanks. v_v