So much for THAT (aka, hi, monday =P)

[glasmalerei]

So much for the good mood from this weekend. It's been swallowed up in the blah that is monday, and it's not even 11am yet. I'm COLD - so much so that I put on my hoodie on top of the long sleeved knit I was already wearing, and I'm tempted to put the hood up to keep the top of my head warm. And I'm CRANKY... which is, I think, the start of PMS. Hard to recognize when it onsets, but yeah - I've got no focus, no creativity, no drive, I'm tired and cranky, I'm not happy with anything, and my world is made up of RAR. Geeeze. And to think this used to be the NORMAL state of affairs on pretty much any given day. It's a wonder I've managed to accomplish anything this last year, I swear.

At least now I know it's a temporary thing, and I'll get over it just as soon as my body sorts itself out, but in the meantime... yeah. I'm cold, I'm cranky, I'm creativity-blocked, I feel fat and ugly and did I mention FREEZING? Also, tired. Also, displeased. Also, extremely discontent. RAR. RAR!

(and no, chocolate doesn't help alleviate this. I already tried hot cocoa. Chocolate really doesn't do a damned thing for my PMS, unfortunately.

I can't even find a radio station to listen to that doesn't annoy me to death (but listening to whatever tv show my boss is watching is annoying me MORE, so the headphones and music are just going to have to cope.)

I want something to come EASILY right now, dammit, and NOTHING is. Everything is a struggle, it feels like I'm only mediocre at all of it, my design is uninspired and boring, my art is unimaginative and formulamatic, my writing feels like somebody else wrote it because I don't know where the words are, and we won't even discuss any of my other hobbies or how utterly mediocre I am at all of them. Jack of all trades, master of jack shit nothing. [SIGH] You can ignore me. I know this is my hormones and my personal demons talking. But the personal demons are depressingly loud right now, and they always wonder if I could have been really GOOD at something if I'd just been willing to forsake all the rest. It's a devil's deal - what would I have to give up to really elevate one skill to stardom? What's the art without the stories behind it? What's the writing if I can't see the pictures in my head? Etc. etc. Just. Dammit. When I feel blocked on ALL of it it's really really frustrating.

Kick me, please. Or pet me. Or prompt me, and tell me it's okay to do 100 words of out of context nothing in response. Because the brain tangles are otherwise eating themselves right now.

...yes, I know, I'm a needy whiny clingy bint. No need to open THAT can of brain worm tangle in addition to the pervasive feeling of fail, thanks. v_v

Comments

[arianne]

I hope you feel better. I know all too well how much the feelings you describe suck.

I could rant here (about how people tell me, when dealing with this, "Avoid things that stress you! Take some time off!" I don't know how the world they're living in works, but I've never been able to just call my boss or teachers and not do anything for literally half my life... or even a few days out of every four weeks) but I will refrain. You already did the hard part, which is getting up and doing what you have to.

Aside, is it actually cold there or do people not understand what an ambient temperature is? Because I could go on about that, too -- I'm sitting inside a building shivering, while it's in the high 70s outside. Sometimes I really wonder how much money they waste on unnecessary AC.

Anyway. I do hope you feel better. >:

[glasmalerei]

It's actually cold outside - like, actually almost needing gloves this morning cold - but we've got the AC on inside too. This is for work related reasons, as it's cold but still damp/humid, and until the humidity dries up for the season we have to keep the AC on in order to keep the paper from turning into sticky stacks of copier jamming blah. =P But yeah. I do NOT approve. I am COLD!

And how the hell does anyone just take time off? What kind of rack of sick days do they have stored up? Pfft! I barely have enough to cover my mini vacation later this month, and that's it. No more days off for me for the rest of the year! =P

PS - CD got here! Intact, as far as I can tell, though I haven't had the attention span to pop it in yet. Looks like it's safe and sound, though!

[recessional]

*cough* Some of us just assume that a day to keep ourselves sane is worth eating a day's wages.

[glasmalerei]

[g] meh. I suppose it depends on workplace policy. Work frowns on taking unpaid days and HR gets very irked about it.

[recessional]

*g* Shi. I just figured it was worth pointing out that some of us, when we say "take a damn day", are not speaking from Massive Pileups of Magical Paid Time. ;) (I have yet to work at a job with "paid time off". Although I think technically the gallery did allow one sick day a month. But it never really came up.)

[glasmalerei]

I'd be totally willing to do that if I could. =P All of my workplaces have frowned on it, though. 'Unpaid day' seems to equal 'absent without notice' to them, even if I've called and spoken to the boss.

[arianne]

It's too bad that, in the absence of huge scale dehumidifier machines, there isn't a way to dehumidify without making it colder. We could use it, as I almost need gills to breathe in the apartment, but at least it's blissfully warm.
Still, there are times when, other than when it's required like in your place, I wish we'd go like Japan and encourage places to save energy and $$ by turning the AC up to 80.

Yeah seriously. I would've loved to hear the reaction if I'd called into the grocery store, "Sorry, I was told to avoid stress, see you all in a week or two!"

I'm glad! I was worried about it, fragile little CD.