Oct. 5th, 2009

glasmalerei: Tom Riddle with a cup of coffee ([fandom] coffee rules the world)
I had a weekend made of pretty much win, more or less. The AIDs walk went off smashingly - me and my co-worker did the whole course in about an hour, after which the real challenge was finding the bloody metro station (and trying to get on it along with a million and five other people). I didn't realize how much everything from the knees down was protesting the fairly quick paced solid hour of walking on concrete until I got home, at which point my body just shut down after lunch (grilled steaks, mmmmmmm) and I fell face first into a nap for about four hours. Woke up groggy and my feet still going ow, so I propped my feet up and played a ridiculous amount of Suikoden 5 for the rest of the evening until my feet unswelled themselves (From the beginning, up through the end of the Sacred Games in Stormfist).

The nap apparently reset my sleep schedule - I was in bed early and woke up early. Made pancakes and coffee, folded laundry and put it away, made a quick run over to Target (I needed new hangars. And a lint roller because my fuzzy blankets SHED like mad. Also, a guitar stand, because I'm tired of having it stashed in the corner where it's hard to reach.) Came back and swept and mopped and vaccumed every inch of floor in sight. Ate lunch and sat down to do homework, and by the time I was done with that it was 5pm and all of the momentum had finally run out, so I made myself cook dinner and collapsed back into the papasan to play some more suikoden (sacred games through the fall of sol-falena and hooking up with barrows, which which point I had to call it quits as I kept nodding off to sleep in the middle of barrow's speech.)

Back to bed early again, and 'lo and behold, here it is early morning and I'm awake again. Also? HUNGRY. That's not normal for me. x_x hrm. I think I have some pancakes left over from yesterday. This may be another pancake and coffee morning.

...I was also just very snarky in my final assessment of my web design 2 class (the part where we grade the performance of the class and teacher). Because REALLY. DUDE. The IADT standard is supposed to be that all assignments are graded within three days of their due date. This would make sense, as we need those grades and critiques to work with because each week builds on what we did the week before. All quarter long? We have received our grades from LAST week the day the next assignment is DUE. Epic epic FAIL, teacher person. If we have to turn our shit in on time I think the school kinda ought to make sure that you do too, especially when we're in five week crunch classes and, like I said, it's one long project done over five weeks. Having you tell me "Oh, I liked this part, but this could be improved on and why don't you change this?" six hours before the next part is due is kind of made of phenomenally stupid EPIC FAIL.

.......scratch that. I'm about to start skipping the snarky and going for frothing angry snarling, because HELLOOOO, week 4 assignment is due TODAY, and the woman hasn't even downloaded my assignment from week 3 to look at it. W.T.F.
glasmalerei: sulking siamese cat ([personal] not impressed)
So much for the good mood from this weekend. It's been swallowed up in the blah that is monday, and it's not even 11am yet. I'm COLD - so much so that I put on my hoodie on top of the long sleeved knit I was already wearing, and I'm tempted to put the hood up to keep the top of my head warm. And I'm CRANKY... which is, I think, the start of PMS. Hard to recognize when it onsets, but yeah - I've got no focus, no creativity, no drive, I'm tired and cranky, I'm not happy with anything, and my world is made up of RAR. Geeeze. And to think this used to be the NORMAL state of affairs on pretty much any given day. It's a wonder I've managed to accomplish anything this last year, I swear.

At least now I know it's a temporary thing, and I'll get over it just as soon as my body sorts itself out, but in the meantime... yeah. I'm cold, I'm cranky, I'm creativity-blocked, I feel fat and ugly and did I mention FREEZING? Also, tired. Also, displeased. Also, extremely discontent. RAR. RAR!

(and no, chocolate doesn't help alleviate this. I already tried hot cocoa. Chocolate really doesn't do a damned thing for my PMS, unfortunately.

I can't even find a radio station to listen to that doesn't annoy me to death (but listening to whatever tv show my boss is watching is annoying me MORE, so the headphones and music are just going to have to cope.)

I want something to come EASILY right now, dammit, and NOTHING is. Everything is a struggle, it feels like I'm only mediocre at all of it, my design is uninspired and boring, my art is unimaginative and formulamatic, my writing feels like somebody else wrote it because I don't know where the words are, and we won't even discuss any of my other hobbies or how utterly mediocre I am at all of them. Jack of all trades, master of jack shit nothing. [SIGH] You can ignore me. I know this is my hormones and my personal demons talking. But the personal demons are depressingly loud right now, and they always wonder if I could have been really GOOD at something if I'd just been willing to forsake all the rest. It's a devil's deal - what would I have to give up to really elevate one skill to stardom? What's the art without the stories behind it? What's the writing if I can't see the pictures in my head? Etc. etc. Just. Dammit. When I feel blocked on ALL of it it's really really frustrating.

Kick me, please. Or pet me. Or prompt me, and tell me it's okay to do 100 words of out of context nothing in response. Because the brain tangles are otherwise eating themselves right now.

...yes, I know, I'm a needy whiny clingy bint. No need to open THAT can of brain worm tangle in addition to the pervasive feeling of fail, thanks. v_v

June 2011

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